Monday, June 7, 2010

11:37pm

Walking through the cold crisp air,

opening the heavy metal gates,
closing the heavy metal gates,

opening the side gate,
gently closing the side gate,

looking for my keys in the dark,
finally finding my keys,

opening the laundry door,
closing the laundry door,

mashing my hand against the wall looking for the light switch,
switching on the light,

walking down the hallway and switching on the light,
walking back the laundry to lock the door
and turn of the light.

Now finally I'm in the living room, with my warm laptop, glass of cold water, and laptop charger, ready to waste some hours =]

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Not many of the things i was looking forward to doing today happened, i woke up at around 10, and was determined to do my hair, it sucked, i straightened some of the front and top, and then combed and sprayed one side so that it stayed again my head, it wasn't exactly what i wanted, but i gave up. Got dressed up and jump online to see if anyone was on, say and friend and talked to her, not expecting her to respond with
"i broke up with my bf =["
so instead of keeping to my original plan, i decided to go over and see if she was okay.I called KD and got with him to come with, and we kind of bummed the hours away. Slightly tired and bored, and with a internet connection we decided to jump on Omegle Video =]
We had some fun, and i wish we had recorded some of the things that we did.
First, K and I managed to contort our bodies so it looked like a fine girl's body with my head, and then we started flirting with guys and slowly lifting "my skirt" it was interesting watching the other person's reactions of, OMG what an ugly girl, and then, OMG such a sexy body :D maybe i should have been wearing a paper bag.
Then after looking at a couple of masturbating guys we met a topless girl that started hitting on K. A couple of more penis's later we met a guy who was dancing, telling us to join him, we did and got our groove on, wished i have videoed that so bad!

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I took the bus home today, i really enjoy riding the bus late at night, not many people, dark skies, cold air, and the buzz of the struggling motor. I didn't have my music or any books to read tonight, so instead i just lent my head back and relaxed. The first thing to enter my mind was love again, right now, i feel like I'm just looking at all the single ladies in my life and finding the ones that are the most convenient to me, you know, ones that live close, look alright, and i would enjoy spending time with, although all these qualities are fine, i realized that i didn't feel any love towards them and it was as if i was just using them. The girl that i actually had feelings towards was distant, busy and we barely had the time to see each other once a month, yet i still wanted to be with her so badly. Right now, i don't know if i should just find someone be with, or be with someone i love. I know it sound like a stupid question, but to me, its the hardest question I've had to answer in a long time..
Companionship? or Love?

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