Saturday, July 3, 2010


[Music: The Scientist - Coldplay]
[Mood: Empty]

As I type these first words a chill runs through my chest. I'm not too sure what I'm feeling right now but I know its not happiness or joy. I feel a little bit chilly and a lot of emptiness. I feel like a cheap coat worn on a windy winters night. The Wind cuts straight though me and i offer no protection at all. Useless.
My feet are cold and my nose a little runny, I'm tired and my left eye is leaking again. Listening to this song doesn't help my mood much either.
Earlier this morning I was looking for something I had put away long ago, I thought it might have been in one of my draws and as i went through each one I ended up at the most bottom draw. Without a second thought i pulled it out and i froze. This was the draw that i had put all my memories. All of the things that stirred the memories of my past love. I saw the contents and foolishly decided to flip thought the boxes.
I then closed the draw and lay on my bed, close to tears and my heart screaming at me. Often people talk about the good memories associated with their past lovers but to me its not the good that's important its the bad. After all they are the reasons that they become past lovers.
The other day one of my friends said, "This is the first time we've all been single"
and tired to remember when I became single but i couldn't. Like everything else about her it had become a blur, a smudge in my past. I still try to be her friend but every time i talk to her it still awkward, for me at least. When you have loved someone that much it become easier to hate them so much more. I try to remove all hate and angry from my life, (because i believe them to be such barbaric and primitive emotions) and instead they are replaced with a void. I don't know what to think about her, Every time i see her i get confused. I want her out of my life so badly! (RANT RANT RANT)

- later on -

Yet again i state; I just want somebody to love.
Cupid, where are you? why are you not doing your job?! What is the number for your office, i need to make an appointment.

(insert picture here, i had this fantastic cartoon idea, but i fail at putting it onto paper. SO here is the idea. If someone would draw it it would be awesome!
In the sky there is cupid with the bow in his hand, and he says, "GOD DAMNIT" Next to him is God and he say, "don't blame me, your the one who missed."
Then on the ground there is a pretty girl standing there, next to her is this boy, but the boy is hugging and kissing the vending machine next to him, with a arrow sticking out of both him and the vending machine. Get it? hurhurhur)

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